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It’s the middle of the night and I am writing what should have been written last month. I avoided the May newsletter like a kick in the teeth. I started writing it multiple times over the past few weeks with not much success, because I honestly didn't know what it was that I have been wanting to say. It was a strange month (make that couple of months) as I have felt the thread holding my business together start to loosen and pull. The thread, in case you are wondering, is me.

Sometimes life doesnt go according to plan. "Haaaa!" she laughed, "it NEVER goes according to plan."

As I've gotten a little bit older I have learnt to take the challenges, changes and sleepless nights in my stride. I know that nothing is permanent and everything has a season. Isn't it funny how just as things start to feel comfortable, a tidal wave comes in to bowl us over completely? You know, just to keep us on our toes. The wonderful part is that no amount of experiance or knowledge gained, connections made, moments of success or feelings of failure can ever go to waste in the bigger picture called life.

I often reflect on friendships, life decisions, career moves and even triggers of discomfort. Isolated and in the moment, the tiny puzzle pieces can sometimes be difficult to understand, but in assembling each one into a connected timeline of events the reveal can be quite serendipitous.

Looking back, it's as if every single moment, good or bad, was perfectly planned well in advance, the lessons just waiting to be learnt. Each one there to refine me, prune me, help me to grow. And as the the difficulties unexpectedly help me to blossom, I evolve into a more mature, understanding, patient, and braver version of my younger self.

in assembling each one into a connected timeline of events the reveal can be quite serendipitous.

Thanks to hindsight, I have come to trust that this strange complexity is always present, hiding even in your darkest moments, and if you allow yourself to find it you will surely see the light. It is from this that I have developed my unwavering faith.

As I sit in times of uncertainty, I know there is something bigger working for us behind the scenes. When things don't seem to go according to the plan in my head, and that my friends is almost all of the time, I find comfort in knowing that He has a bigger plan and it's ok to let some things go.

The last year and a half navigating entrepreneurship and motherhood has been the most difficult ride so far. Despite trusting God with his plan for my life, it feels as though I have been travelling through this maze for what feels like a lifetime and there still appears to be no clear sign of exit.

Whilst recognising that I am truly blessed beyond measure, and we in fact have it far better than most, I just can't seem to catch my breath. And as for the guilt that accompanies my inability to get it right or to pull myself towards myself, well that is really just the tiny cherry on the cake.

I have asked myself many times how everyone else seems to be managing this mom era along with the rest of their responsibilities while I feel like I simply am not, but the resounding silence in response to my question is quite deafening. Trust me, it is not a rethorical question and yet the answers are none.

The moms that cheer me on keep telling me to give myself a break, "our time with Madi has been particularly tough".

But anyone that's a parent knows their is just simply no time to feel sorry for yourself. Being a parent is trying enough without any additional complications and God knows that our family has hardly had the worst of it.

So with all my emotions laid out in front of me I have had to make some hard choices. I'm never going to be able to breathe properly again unless I take a pause to catch my breath.

Thankfully Epiphany is not my only income stream, and although it is the one that I have fervently built with so much love and dedication, right now, I just can't seem to muster up the energy to meet the demands.

It’s a hard pill to swallow after spending 5 years building something I feel so passionate about, but as with everything in my life I trust that it’s only in closing one door that another can be opened.

I'm never going to be able to breathe properly again unless I take a pause to catch my breath.

My creativity is at an all time low and the need for this pause was long overdue. No maternity leave, working through ICU visits and posting lovely ideas when you actually don't feel happy or ok, takes it’s toll eventually. On that note, if you are wondering why the Local Brand Directory you are following hasn’t posted anything lovely and local in a while, this my darling, is why.

However, all is not lost! I have faith that the pause is part of the plan. The community, the experience, the brands and the incredible amount of knowledge that I have sucked in like a sponge and learnt along the way whilst on this business journey has been quite an Epiphany in itself. Recently discovering how much value I can offer one brand, if I don't have to meet the commitments for 80, may just be the most exciting realisation I have had thus far.

Epiphany isn't going anywhere. This is simply a pause, and when the time is right, there will come a pivot. The Jess that is brimming with ideas and a love for local brands is still in here somewhere. When life calms to chaos and I’ve got my creativity back then this space will hold new things. The pruning must happen for the roses to grow.

In the meantime I have a few plans for this space that I must admit, excite me. If you’ll have me, I’ll still show up on your Instagram feed and every now and then in your email inbox. I am not really sure what this will look like but that's kind of the fun of it, right? (that one was rhetorical)

The continued love and support that this Epiphany family shows me is unmatched 🖤 thank you for it all, always!

To a season of unwavering faith, roses, refinement and just being her mama.

All my love,

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