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Updated: May 16, 2023

I originally had another idea for this months newsletter, but as I sat down to write it, I found I had something different to say.

The truth is I'm battling. Being a mom is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, and although I didn't expect it to be easy, the challenges I am facing are much harder to navigate than I ever imagined.

Before having Madi I had preconceived ideas about the way I would approach motherhood. No rocking, bottles from early, sleep training and baby lead weaning. Everything I read made it sound like all of the above was achievable if that's the approach I wanted to take, I just had to follow a few fairly simple steps.

HA HA not so much.

I think I forgot to factor in the emotional side of being a mother. I hadn't considered how I would feel when making decisions and I hadn't taken into account that my babe would be her own little person with her own challenges.

Not only does Madi have her own personality, but she's also my child.

If I ever thought the Lord would give me a quiet, perfect little baby then jokes on me.

Not only am I far from perfect, but I am far from quiet as well!

With our whole stint in hospital only 7 weeks into parenthood, it meant that all these great "ideas" I had went swiftly out the window. Madi being in ICU for 2 weeks with tubes in her neck, nose and arm is, at best, a blur. The most vivid memories are of how I felt not being able to hold her, or feed her, the shrills of her cries in discomfort and the Saturday that we thought was the end.

When this all happened, I took a shift into survival mode and from there, the rest is history.

Not rocking my baby seemed like the silliest thing in the world to me after not being able to hold her close for over a week, and bottles didn't seem necessary when I could finally feed her myself again.

The truth is I'm battling.

But as time has gone on, me being the only one she wants to rock her to sleep and the fact that she now refuses a bottle for her milk, doesn't only leave me feeling grateful that I can be there for her, but also rather exhausted.

I have never appreciated my Mama more than I do now, as a mom myself. There is a whole array of feelings and fears I have never felt before and a myriad of personal challenges I could never have imagined she may have faced. It's made me appreciate her in a different way and understand her in a different light entirely.

It's sad that it took me becoming a mom to fully understand her sacrifices, but I am so happy that I finally can.

It's not being a mom that I find challenging however, it's trying to be (or do) anything else whilst being a mom. It's running my business, bringing in an income, keeping the house clean, eating properly and getting enough sleep to function, that I find to be the hard part. I keep telling myself that it is a season. A season for Madi, for motherhood, for limited sleep and for a shift in priorities. But I won't pretend that I'm not finding this season a little tough.

We live our lives following 1% of everyones daily activities and compare ourselves and our achievements to that 1%. It's severely unrealistic.

However, this isn't a pity party or a letter of complaints. It's simply me sharing some of my personal journey. This newsletter is about the fact that no matter what pretty pictures I post, blog posts I write or local luxuries I share,

there is a whole lot going on that you won't see on instagram.

We live our lives following 1% of everyones daily activities and compare ourselves and our achievements to that 1%. It's severely unrealistic.

So with that being said, as we enter the month of May, a month that celebrates our moms and everything that they are, I want to focus on reality.

The reality that even life's biggest blessings will throw challenges our way. The reality that no matter what you see on social media, nobody's life is picture perfect. And the reality that although Mother's Day is perhaps a "hallmark occasion", it is really important to celebrate the women (or people) in our lives that make us who we are, because I can tell you, they deserve to feel appreciated.

I wish you a wonderful month ahead filled with more blessings than you can imagine.

All my love,

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